A couple of months ago I was having a terrible time with heartburn. This is not a joke, the Dartlads can attest to the fact that I was hittin' the Tums EX-750's (now in delightful assorted tropical fruit flavors!) at least once a day. Now, several years ago I had an angiogram done-- long, boring story-- and there was some plaque in my arteries but it was at a normal level for a feller of my advanced age, so when I get heartburn as bad as this every freakin' day I don't think "HEART ATTACK!" like most people. Instead I assume it's food or beverage related. I ruled out coffee immediately. Not for any legitimate reason but just because I am addicted to coffee and so... it can't be coffee! OK!?! Get away from my coffee!! oops... sorry...
Was it toast? Unlikely. Cheese? Doubt it. Coca Cola Zero? Maybe. So I did a couple of afternoons of work without a refreshing Zero to get me through to the 4PM close. Still got heartburn. What the heck was it that was causing these daily bouts of heartburn? On June 5th, a Thursday, I had an unbearable attack and gobbled down about three TUMS EX-750's. That helped. But the general problem continued on for a few more days, not as bad as June 5th, but still painful. And then, for no reason it subsided. I began to notice that my attacks of debilitating agony were down from twice a day to twice a week. Why? What changed?
This weekend the answer came to me while I watched my beloved Detroit Tigers take two of three from the San Diego Padres. It wasn't TUMS I needed, it was Thames. Marcus Markey Thames and his pals. Ever since that June 5th, an off day after a dreadful 3-6 west coast road trip, the Tigers are 12-4 and have pulled within 5 games of first place. Can it continue? Of course! Will it? Nobody knows. That's why we watch the games. But, I'm hoping the heartburn is gone for 2008. C'mon guys, win it for my esophagus.
