This morning I figured I'd watch a little TV news to get up to speed. I needed to find out what had happened in all those important stories they (the hard-chargin' TV newshounds) were watching for me (the viewer in a comfy chair). It was quite illuminating. Apparently Christie Brinkley settled her messy battle with Madonna and has gotten custody of A-Rod. Meanwhile A-Rod's wife has taken up with Madonna's ex, some English movie type I'd never heard of. My advice to Mrs. Ex-Rod, get checked for STD's toot sweet, deary. (I'm trying to work in a little French-soundin' lingo 'cause Presumptive President Obama was laughin' at Americans who only know "mare see bow koo" when it comes to foreign languages.) In other breaking news someone in the upper levels of the Iranian missile program photoshopped Senator Obama's testicles back on after they had been either cut off or cut out (there's powerful debate raging over "off" or "out") by grumpy, old Jesse Jackson.
There, I think that brings us up-to-date on all the essential stuff. Stop at Monkeydarts. Go with confidence.