Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Sorry I'm Late

Last Friday the airwaves and Internet were abuzz with a publicity stunt authored by Harrison Ford and his handlers. Ford, the highest grossing movie star in history, was calling attention to the terrible plight of trees that are being cut down by people trying to better their own lives. Or some such. Now a heartless cynic might think that Harry could have done this any time in the last umpteen years if it was such a huge concern-- I mean trees were dying every day, Harry-- and yet, by chance, it was on Hollywood gossip TV a mere month before the new Indiana Jones (career ender if it flops?) movie hits theaters. OK, I'm wrong, you don't even have to be cynical to figure out this obvious bit of ham-fisted image marketing.

When I saw this effort over the weekend I don't think my thoughts were the ones desired by Ford and his marketing team. My thoughts? "What the hell happened to that guy?!?!" There was a time when my closest associate wanted to go to any movie with Harrison Ford in it and, importantly, I always agreed. Off we would go, safe in the knowledge that it would be entertaining. Then the day came when she announced she was done with him. I don't want to put too fine a point on it but I think it was about the same time that Ford divorced Melissa Mathison, took up with some TV actress, and stuck a diamond stud in his earlobe like a bar-hopping dipwad. Not necessarily in that order. He lost about 900 manliness points (on the thousand point scale) in that series of actions. So, the last Harrison Ford movie I've seen is 1997's "Air Force One." Looking at his filmography I guess I haven't missed much. Hmmm, I have a sneaking suspicion that we weren't the only ones who dumped Harrison Ford about ten years ago.

A new Indiana Jones movie is the sort of thing that could get us to give him one more chance. And then, as part of the promotion, he does this idiotic chest-hair-waxing-to-save-the-forests globaloney. The closest associate saw it and just shook her head. All the money going into this project and they don't even know why the mass audience stopped going to Harrison Ford movies. Amazing.

I'm sorry I'm late with these observations but I actually completely forgot about it by Monday morning. Then, on my morning rounds in the Jeep today I heard Brad Paisley's "I'm Still A Guy" and the first thing the final verse brought to mind was that silly image of Ford getting his chest waxed.

"These days there's dudes getting facials
Manicured, waxed and botoxed
With deep spray-on tans and creamy lotiony hands
You can't grip a tacklebox

With all of these men lining up to get neutered
It's hip now to be feminized
I don't highlight my hair
I've still got a pair
Yeah honey, I'm still a guy

Oh my eyebrows ain't plucked
There's a gun in my truck
Oh thank God, I'm still a guy"